DJ Needed for basement Party. Must bring suitcase of wine
Thousands of words have been written about ‘Partygate’ – or perhaps ‘Partiesgate’ as there were so many it seems, so I decided to swell the numbers further. While I did not feel a shred of sympathy for Allegra Stratton when she appeared outside her home, face swollen and eyes red from the sobbing as she gulped her way through her resignation statement, she did at least DO THE DECENT THING.
This morning I learned that someone called James Slack has apologised for having a leaving knees-up at No.10 just before another woman, no less than HRH Queen Elizabeth, was seen on national and international media, alone and masked at the funeral of her husband of many years.
Rightly is he called Slack. Young James has now moved on to The Sun, but on April 16th he was the outgoing Head of Communications at No. 10, and his extremely slack levels of rules enforcement allowed for a pretty big beano in the basement. He certainly knew how to cut himself some slack. OK, I promise to stop.
I love the idea of a ‘party in the no. 10 basement’. I don’t know about you, but the basement parties I attended in my misspent youth were invariably cramped, grubby affairs where you drank and danced to a dreadful sound system with loads of reverb, eyeing up the local talent and knowing in advance it was unlikely to end well. I have a feeling that James’s do was in a slightly more salubrious setting, with the Head of Operations at No. 10 being the DJ.
Question: if Slackers were still in post would he now resign? He has of course got away with yet another unreserved apology; a propos, have you ever come across a ‘reserved apology’? Answers on a postcard, please.
But I digress; we know he wouldn’t resign. How can I be so adamant? Because he’s a bloke. After all, the Cabinet Secretary, one Simon Case, was initially appointed to lead the ‘Partiesgate’ enquiry, until it was pointed out that he had hosted his own bash during lockdown. I gather that Mr Case is – here we go again- still on the case as Cabinet Secretary. No tearful resigning statement on the doorstep for him.
But what about Matt Hancock? I hear you say. He’s a bloke who resigned. True, but let’s face it, he did so ‘cos he was caught with his pants nearly down, rather than simply for Covid rule breaking. So what does one conclude from this can of worms? What faith do we have in the ‘independent’ enquiry being carried out by Sue Gray, who is investigating her two bosses’ behaviour?
Of course, one cannot conclude anything, so instead here is a list of the some of the variations on traditional songs that are now in circulation:
‘How many guests is it that you count in an English PM’s garden? Bring your own bottle, but don’t tell anyone – in an English PM’s garden’.
‘It’s my party , I can lie if I want to’.
‘You’ll always find me in the basement at parties’.
And finally, the song whose words there is no need to doctor:
‘You can’t hide your lying eyes/And your smile is a thin disguise./I thought by now you’d realise/ there ain’t no way to hide your lyin’ eyes’