{"id":11596,"date":"2026-05-25T08:05:39","date_gmt":"2026-05-25T08:05:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=11596"},"modified":"2026-05-25T08:05:40","modified_gmt":"2026-05-25T08:05:40","slug":"paradoxes-of-our-time2-fake-it-till-you-make-it-be-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=11596","title":{"rendered":"Paradoxes of Our Time#2: Fake It Till You Make It\/Be Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Theresa May power stance\/The Guardian<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

So which of these 21st<\/sup> century mantras is right? Because I\u2019m confused. Polonius\u2019s advice to Hamlet was \u2018To thine own self be true\u2019, and he continued \u2018and it must follow, as the night the day, thou can\u2019st not then be false to any man.\u2019 To be honest, I think this advice to be authentic is overrated. Boris Johnson was authentic and people loved him for it \u2013 and look at the lasting damage he caused. Let\u2019s face it, some people have authentic selves that are just not very nice, and we\u2019d all be a lot happier if they\u2019d put some effort into suppressing their authenticity and at least pretending to behave like a decent human being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s also quite a lot of online grumbling about \u2018code-switching\u2019, which is defined as moving between two or more communication styles, depending on the company you\u2019re in. People report feeling resentful at having to do it, since it draws them into inauthenticity. I have some sympathy with the idea that it can feel as if you are betraying \u2013 or at least failing to stake a claim for \u2013 your cultural roots, but we have all done it, all the time, from our earliest years. The child playing outside with friends will be cheerily trading insults but will instinctively tone it down the minute they step over the threshold into the house. It\u2019s not an imposition, simply a mechanism for ensuring people are communicating on the same plane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some individuals also feel that their authenticity trumps everyone else\u2019s sensibilities. By way of example, I can\u2019t help thinking of the case of a young gay woman whose mother had advised her against coming out to her frail, elderly grandmother, as she would be extremely disturbed and distressed by such a revelation. The young woman felt that it was intolerable that she should be expected to \u2018live a lie\u2019, yet surely accepting that her grandmother was from another era and sustaining the pretence (in this one area) for a few more years would be preferable to inflicting the pain that would follow any disclosure?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all accept that a degree of inauthenticity is the bedrock of professionalism. It doesn\u2019t mean that you have to suppress the moral instincts behind your actions and decisions. It just means you have to refrain from voicing out loud your opinion that your colleague is an absolute shower who couldn\u2019t draft their way out of a paper bag. I had colleagues who complained that they never knew what I was thinking, but believe me, they were better off that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the professional sphere, many women testify to the power of \u2018faking it till you make it.\u2019 Not being possessed of the boundless, yet often groundless, confidence of men, they have had to pretend to be serene and in control, all the while keeping a firm lid on the gibbering wreck rampaging inside them. In time, they have managed to grow confidence and step into their power. But it\u2019s a risky business: it can take its toll on one\u2019s mental health, and it doesn\u2019t always go as well as intended \u2013 think of Theresa May\u2019s ill-advised forays into this territory, namely the power stance and boogieing up to the podium\u2026 Oh for the days of Clement Attlee, when you could be as uncharismatic as a turnip and it didn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if these recipes for success cancel each other out, how to proceed? I\u2019d say remember the power of disarming honesty \u2013 but only deploy it if you\u2019re sure it won\u2019t frighten the horses. Beyond that, the notion of common courtesy, and a concomitant focus on the needs of others rather than your own shortcomings will get you a long way. Paging Dale Carnegie!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You could be as uncharismatic as a turnip and it didn’t matter<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":11599,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[634,309,67,55,65,56,307],"tags":[407],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11596"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11596"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11596\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11603,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11596\/revisions\/11603"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11599"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11596"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11596"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11596"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}