{"id":1763,"date":"2014-11-24T08:00:02","date_gmt":"2014-11-24T08:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=1763"},"modified":"2014-11-23T14:52:49","modified_gmt":"2014-11-23T14:52:49","slug":"tips-from-a-seat-provoker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=1763","title":{"rendered":"Tips from a seat provoker"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Sardines<\/a>

Sardines \/ Ewen Roberts \/ Flickr<\/p><\/div>\n

It all started with a bunion operation that turned out slightly more complicated than planned. Thought I would be in and out, ended up in a wheelchair, then crutches, then couldn\u2019t fit in my normal shoes for two years…but that is not the point of this story.
\nWhen I graduated to crutches, my tube travel became suddenly much easier. Passengers, rather than risk me landing on top of them, suddenly leapt to attention and offered me their seats. They were often young rather than old, or say middle aged, men and women, and this rather restored my faith in humanity.
\nSome years on, having been diagnosed with rather painful osteoarthritis in both knees, I find I can\u2019t stand for any length of time…but I think I look fine. So should I be worried that, for the most part, people rush to offer me their seat on the tube? I don\u2019t have grey hair, few if any wrinkles and look jovial enough. Or should I just be grateful that they do? And believe me, I am.
\nMy solution is to give thanks for such kindness but go one step further: I am carving out a career for myself as a seat provoker. Let me give you a for instance. A heavily-pregnant woman steps into a crowded carriage and everyone\u2019s eyes immediately revert to their paper\/book\/kindle\/phone. I jump up, offer her my seat, then loom over the fittest-looking, youngest passenger and sway ominously. This usually works, but if it doesn\u2019t bring results I start to tread on their toes. By this time they\u2019re starting to twitch but if they hold out? Well, I might just be forced to fall into their lap.
\nThen there\u2019s the mad stampede to get on to a crowded train. I refuse to take part: I\u2019ve had enough problems trying to get on to compete with those trying to get off. But if I do edge closer to the one vacant seat and find someone breaking the sound barrier to get there before me, then I eyeball them. That is usually enough to stop them in their tracks. And if they still reverse manically into the seat, sympathise loudly, \u201cI\u2019m really sorry, I didn\u2019t realise you were so incapacitated. Did anyone else see they were ailing? Such a shame.\u201d This may blow my cover as an apparently concerned onlooker, but I don’t care.
\nReading this back to myself, I realise I’m turning into a nasty old lady. Next step will be hat pins, particularly in reverse thrusts against those who attempt to feel you up in the crowded sections of the carriage. Actually, that sounds quite fun. Sign me up and assault charges be damned.<\/p>\n

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Getting a seat on a tube can amount to guerilla warfare.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":1766,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,55],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1763"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1763"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1763\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1791,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1763\/revisions\/1791"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1766"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1763"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1763"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1763"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}