{"id":4573,"date":"2016-08-01T08:00:24","date_gmt":"2016-08-01T08:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=4573"},"modified":"2016-07-28T18:51:24","modified_gmt":"2016-07-28T18:51:24","slug":"the-difference-between-men-and-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=4573","title":{"rendered":"The difference between men and women"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Newspaper\/Mark<\/a>

Newspaper\/Mark Belokopylov\/flickr<\/p><\/div>\n

No, it\u2019s not what you think. Damesnet doesn\u2019t normally like to enter the battle of the sexes \u2013 some of our best friends and contributing dames are men, and I know we are supposed to be abandoning genders anyway. But as it\u2019s the silly season, I\u2019m going for a blatantly sexist blog, with the pathetic excuse, which I\u2019ve lambasted elsewhere on this site, that \u2018it\u2019s only a bit of fun.\u2019<\/p>\n

These, then, are my three principal anthropological findings, fruits of indefatigable observation of adult males in their natural habitat across three continents over more decades than I care to remember. (NB: I can neither confirm nor deny\u00a0that any of the men in my family conform to these outrageous stereotypes.)<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 The newspaper is a sacred object<\/strong><\/p>\n

Have you noticed that there is a force-field round a man\u2019s newspaper? In fact, it\u2019s an anti-magnetic field. You can feel it repelling you as you try to come close.\u00a0 This is because a man\u2019s communion with his newspaper is sacred, and none shall breach that mystic bond.<\/p>\n

Not many people know that the wing chair was invented to preserve the sanctity of this relationship. How better to enforce the privacy needed for the rites of absorption and digestion of current affairs and comment than to make the newspaper itself the fourth wall of a little horsehair enclave? Virtual reality headsets \u2013 who needs them?<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Men snort in the shower<\/strong><\/p>\n

Whether it\u2019s in campsites in Europe, beach showers in Australia, or swimming baths in Leeds, snorting rules. Why do men do this? Does it have any therapeutic benefits? As a tradition, is it a feebler Western cousin of the hard-core yogic practice of Sutra Neti, in which a waxed cotton string is inserted through the nose and pulled out through the mouth? As far as I can see, snorting is not explicitly handed down from father to son, yet it persists down the generations. And why don\u2019t women snort in showers? I suspect it\u2019s because we do not scrub our faces vigorously in the shower. No, instead we probably dab at them daintily with cotton wool soaked in a preparation infused with \u2018gentle camomile, herbs and linden extract\u2019 that \u2018refreshes, stimulates, softens and smoothes the skin\u2019 \u2013 well, I know I do.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Men want regular meals<\/strong><\/p>\n

. . . preferably sitting down. I don\u2019t understand this one either. It\u2019s not as though they need feeding up to follow woolly mammoths for miles across the barren steppes. What\u2019s wrong with picking a few grapes\u00a0from a bunch every time you pass until you\u2019re full, if you\u2019ve got other things to do. No matter how tight the timetable or how acute the crisis, everything stops for a meal at the prescribed time. I can\u2019t believe that there is a universal epidemic of hypoglycaemia among men, but that\u2019s how it seems some time.<\/p>\n

Sorry \u2013 I know this has been unforgivable, so guys, please, please respond with your uncharitable (yet printable) observations of female behaviour, either in our comments or in a guest blog.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

. . . string inserted through the nose and pulled out through the mouth . . . <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":4574,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,55,56],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4573"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4573"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4573\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4586,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4573\/revisions\/4586"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4574"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4573"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4573"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4573"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}