{"id":5021,"date":"2017-02-13T08:00:33","date_gmt":"2017-02-13T08:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=5021"},"modified":"2017-02-15T11:54:12","modified_gmt":"2017-02-15T11:54:12","slug":"musings-from-the-supermarket","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=5021","title":{"rendered":"Musings from the Supermarket"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I think I\u2019ll just stand here for a minute and thaw out under the blast \u2026 not very green, is it? Oh well, into the fray. Let the trolley wars begin.<\/p>\n

Tomatoes, lettuce, potatoes \u2026 this is going well. So satisfying, crossing stuff off your list \u2013 little things please little minds \u2026 Ripe and ready? These avocados are rock solid \u2013 you could use them for a 21-gun salute. \u2018No, after you, please\u2019 \u2026 Oh \u2026 if I\u2019d known you were going to spend ten seconds examining every apple I would never have let you in. What on earth was the matter with that one? Well, I\u2019m not having it now that you\u2019ve palpated it so comprehensively.<\/p>\n

\u2018Oh, hi, how are you? Haven\u2019t seen you in ages! \u2026 I\u2019m fine, thanks, blah, blah, etc. \u2026 Oh well, must get on!\u2019 Oh god, I\u2019m going to spend the next 20 minutes bumping into her down every aisle \u2013 so embarrassing.<\/p>\n

Such a relief to leave the fruit and veg aisles behind. This is more like it: just turn on, tune in and trundle around in no particular order, totally in the zone. What is<\/em> that music? What, is that music? Not up to Co-op standards: Dylan, Talking Heads \u2026 Oops, I\u2019ve missed the tea \u2026 mustn\u2019t forget what I\u2019m here for.<\/p>\n

Look at that fancy dress! Horrid Henry, Wally \u2013 just off the peg! What happened to improvising? Where\u2019s the creativity? My mother assembled a stuffed-stocking tail, turned-over wellies and my cowboy hat with a feather boa into a prize-winning fancy-dress costume for me \u2026 jumpers for goalposts \u2026 and we used to lick road clean wi\u2019 our tongues.<\/p>\n

Krave? Krave<\/em>? What kind of a name for a cereal is that? It\u2019s so blatant \u2026 getting people addicted to tooth-rotting carbs \u2026 29g of sugar per 100g! Bit pointless including all those vitamins, really.<\/p>\n

Ah, just as I thought, here she comes again \u2013 time for a tight smile \u2026 good, that\u2019s obviously what she thought too.<\/p>\n

Whoa, did I really put that tin of mulligatawny soup into my trolley? Um \u2026 this is not my trolley! Where is it? Oh, there. So whose is this? \u2018So sorry \u2026 don\u2019t know what I was thinking \u2026 feel such a fool\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n

Look, there\u2019s that stuff they\u2019re advertising on the telly \u2013 those Lenor granules that make your clothes pong for longer \u2026 available in five fragrances, no less. I mean, who buys those tubs? And look at the label: \u2018Harmful to aquatic life with long-lasting effects.\u2019 If ever there was a sign that we’ve reached peak stuff, this has to be it.<\/p>\n

My god, look at that trolley: Coke, Hula Hoops, the dreaded Krave \u2026 are they hell-bent on \u2026 ? Stop, stop, slap wrists and go home to write out one hundred times \u2018I must not be a judgemental middle-class cow.\u2019 Not much I can do about the middle bit, though.<\/p>\n

Oh no, she\u2019s just rounding the corner by the mops. A curt nod? Yup, that was the right option.<\/p>\n

Hooray! Thornton\u2019s caramel squares down to \u00a31, which means I can buy them. Just a minute \u2026 41g of sugar per 100g \u2013 oh well, I\u2019ve never claimed not to be a hypocrite \u2026<\/p>\n

Not again! I think we\u2019ve reached the \u2018totally ignore\u2019 phase of the Diminishing Greetings in Supermarket Encounters Scheme \u2026 yesss!<\/p>\n

Yay, an empty till \u2026 result! Online grocery shopping? I wouldn\u2019t miss all this for the world \u2026<\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

‘I must not be a judgemental, middle-class cow.’<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":5024,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,55,53,56],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5021"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5021"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5021\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5038,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5021\/revisions\/5038"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5024"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5021"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5021"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5021"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}