{"id":5798,"date":"2018-06-25T14:36:35","date_gmt":"2018-06-25T14:36:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=5798"},"modified":"2018-06-26T18:11:39","modified_gmt":"2018-06-26T18:11:39","slug":"musings-from-the-gallery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=5798","title":{"rendered":"Musings from the gallery"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Aberdeen Art Gallery,Mike Davidson\/flickr<\/p><\/div>\n

Well, it\u2019s clear from this that he hates women: look at the saggy breasts, mottled abdomen \u2026 what\u2019s this one called? Ah \u2013 Self-portrait \u2026 so what I was thinking was a bit of a prolapse is actually his \u2026 Hmm \u2013 I don\u2019t think I\u2019m quite getting Egon Schiele.<\/p>\n

Moving on \u2026 OMG! They\u2019ve actually gone and put a big reproduction on its own in a room so people can get on with taking selfies, leaving the way clear to see the original \u2013 I wish. There\u2019s still the equivalent of a free kick line-up in front of it. I\u2019ll have to go find another one to look at until it\u2019s cleared a bit.<\/p>\n

Would you look at the legend on this one! At a glance I can spot a grocer\u2019s apostrophe, a missing comma, and two typos. Whoah \u2026that isn\u2019t the point! I haven\u2019t even looked at the painting yet. So, focus: what do I think and feel about this? I love the hazy, stippled background and the sharp out\u2026 Oh! Thank you, sir, thank you very much! How am I supposed to continue with my contemplation now your man bun is obscuring the view?<\/p>\n

\u2018Dad, Dad \u2026 why is that lady lying around with no clothes on?\u2019 Well, this little lad is doing better at gender identification than I am. But not an exhibition to bring the under-fives to, I think. Oh, Dad\u2019s hurrying him away \u2013 now I\u2019ll never know the answer. He\u2019s clearly forgotten the first rule of taking small children to a gallery: make sure there are enough furry animals in the paintings to point them out at regular intervals.<\/p>\n

Help! There are rooms off to both sides of this one. Which way, which way? FOMO is looming \u2026 and \u2026 oh no! \u2026 I\u2019ve been doing it in the wrong order: it was 1934 before and here it\u2019s 1923. It\u2019s too big \u2026 it\u2019s too much \u2026 SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE TO GO \u2026 Aaaarrrrgggghh! I\u2019m in the middle of a full-blown picture-panic attack! I really need to get straight to the nearest one-room gallery to regain control.<\/p>\n

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Klimt teddy\/ming productions<\/p><\/div>\n

But where\u2019s that? Perhaps the shop and a cup of tea will make it all go away \u2026 Whose idea was that? If Klimt had known his paintings would be plastered all over teddies in the 21st century, he would probably have decided to be a credit controller instead.<\/p>\n

This book looks great \u2013 the reproductions are terrific, \u2018\u2026 this was to do with its haecceity \u2026 it is pots, putting them aside can only be provisional.\u2019 Does anyone else understand this stuff? It\u2019s so high-pitched that only dogs and other artists can hear it. Or maybe it\u2019s just art bollocks.<\/p>\n

No, I must be firm. I\u2019ll still be trying to finish all the art books I\u2019ve already got by the time the Grim Reaper comes, and I don\u2019t think he (for he is a he) will make any concessions. It will have to be another fridge magnet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

‘Why is that lady lying around with no clothes on?’<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":5801,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[73,2,67,55],"tags":[85,131,80,79,111],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5798"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5798"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5798\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5843,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5798\/revisions\/5843"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5801"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5798"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5798"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5798"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}