{"id":8938,"date":"2022-07-04T14:11:49","date_gmt":"2022-07-04T14:11:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=8938"},"modified":"2022-07-04T14:11:50","modified_gmt":"2022-07-04T14:11:50","slug":"musings-of-a-third-clarinet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/?p=8938","title":{"rendered":"Musings of a Third Clarinet"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/a>
Clarinet cartoons\/Mark Parisi<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Hurrah! They\u2019re both here and they\u2019ve left a space for me in between them. And there\u2019s lots of big brass in tonight, so that should cover up a multitude of my sins\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here we go\u2026 you\u2019d think after eight years in the band I\u2019d be able to put up a music stand. God, this is so embarrassing! Start again: these two top bits here, these two spiky bits pointing down, and \u2026 finally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s up first? Carmina Burana<\/em> \u2013 good! I can actually play that one. Parp-parp PARP-PARP, parp-parp PARP-PARP, parp-parp-parp PAAAARRRRPPP, paaarp-parp-parp, etc. Better make the most of this \u2013 there may be trouble ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oooh, \u2018Singing in the Rain\u2019. He\u2019s easing us in gently this evening. If I remember rightly we even get a bit of tune in the middle\u2026 and these lovely little drip-drop-drip-drops at the end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He\u2019s handing out some new music. What fresh hell is this? Overture to Orpheus in the Underworld<\/em> \u2013 lovely. Wait a minute \u2013 it\u2019s got five sharps!!! That\u2019s cruel and unnatural treatment, if you ask me. I\u2019ll just hang on to my hat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh no! He\u2019s looking our way\u2026 No, please no\u2026 don\u2019t single us out to redo that bit! (What if I raise my stand a bit so he can\u2019t see me \u2013 perhaps he\u2019ll forget I\u2019m here.) Too late \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That was intense, but I don\u2019t think I let my chums down too badly. Pity about my squeak at the end \u2013 thank God he\u2019s the most tolerant conductor in the world. When do we get to the can-can bit? Oh, I can hear it now \u2013 blimey \u2013 who would have thought it would look like that on the page?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sixteen plus eight plus twenty-three bars rest \u2013 I can\u2019t count that! Time for some hawk-eyed observation of my neighbours with my peripheral vision\u2026 hurrah! I can\u2019t have been more than two nanoseconds behind them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nooooo! Not Night on Bald Mountain<\/em> \u2013 my nemesis! He may be Modeste Mussorgsky by name, but he\u2019s written a frankly immodest number of notes in this thing! I\u2019ll be lucky if I manage to play one in ten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shall I have a little practice of this tricky bit while we wait to start? Better not \u2013 someone might hear me. Hang on \u2013 wasn\u2019t that the point of joining a concert band?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is that note anyway? I have never ever seen it before in my life\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoa \u2013 we\u2019re off on the wild ride. Oh well, as long as my fingers look convincing. Gina said this was programmatic music, just meant to create an overall impression. Okaayy \u2013 I think what I\u2019m doing is probably more of an impersonation. Yup, that\u2019s me: a musical impersonator \u2013 with impostor syndrome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, we\u2019ve stopped\u2026 are we at the end already? I was nowhere near there there! Never mind, next time we do it, I\u2019ll probably finish before everyone else and be waiting for them to catch up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Phew \u2013 Michael\u2019s solo. I can relax a bit. How does he do it? Please God, can I have a brain and fingers transplant?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s mark the bit from here to here, so I can practise these buts first thing tomorrow, when I can still vaguely remember how they\u2019re supposed to go. If I can get enough of these and join them together, perhaps I can sort of keep my end up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, when I\u2019m in my posh frock at the concert, hearing the applause at the end, it\u2019ll feel great. Heartfelt thanks to the gents and ladies of the big brass for all the cover you provide!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Please , God, can I have a brain and fingers transplant?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":8954,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,67,182,171],"tags":[470,471,469],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8938"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8938"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8938\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8955,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8938\/revisions\/8955"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8954"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8938"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8938"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damesnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8938"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}