Would your guests be so peculiar as to scrutinise your skirting boards?

a dripping wet man running around shouting ‘Eureka’ or some nutter in the pub telling me he has just discovered the meaning of life

. . . wailing like a banshee because you’ve sliced the top off your finger

We’re able to discriminate between media platforms on offer, but please don’t limit our choice.

. . . a face only a mother could love . . .