it came as a terrifying shock to realise that I too had very nearly handed over all my savings and current cash.

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. . . we have little steaming turd pictograms . .

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. . . like carting a two-ton octopus round the house . . .

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. . . an open invitation to every crazed axe murderer in a 10-mile radius . . .

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Madonna? A rubbish role model . . .

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