After you…
Am I the only person who is noting the sharp decline in basic manners? Rest assured that I am not retreating to a Victorian homily, just that standards of human behaviour that most people used to deem acceptable seem to be fast disappearing.
This is becoming increasingly apparent as I go about everyday activities; in shops, on the tube and on the street. I thought that there was a simple set of unwritten rules that governed random human interaction. For example, one did not knock into people as one walked along the street; if you witnessed someone who seemed in need of a helping hand and you were capable of extending that hand, you stepped forward and offered assistance.
This latter is really what is bugging me. Whatever happened to the general principle of ‘helping others?’ You don’t need to have been a Scout or a Guide to have grown up with the idea of the value of common courtesy. And I am not talking about having a gent open a door for me.
The other day on the tube I witnessed a youngish woman get on at a station with one large suitcase and another even bigger one with a ‘Heavy’ sticker on it. She also had a handbag and shoulder bag. As she tried to manoeuvre the cases towards the seats the train set off and the two suitcases started rolling in opposite directions. It was a bit like a bad piece of slapstick, except that she was not coping and was frantically reaching towards one case but watching the other sail away.
Seated opposite me was a young man of around 20. He was watching this scenario with some interest but clearly no empathy. He caught my eye, and I found myself mouthing at him ‘Do you think you could give her a hand?’ I waved a hand in the woman’s direction to reinforce the point. It worked. He got up, grabbed hold of the heavy case that was by now halfway down the carriage, wheeled it back to its unfortunate owner, made sure she had control over it and went and sat down. He looked at me, and I beamed and gave him a big thumbs up. A real-life emoji. Nothing like positive reinforcement.
Apart from the practical benefits, research has confirmed that being kind to others can make us happier. Doing things for other people can also lead to a rise in ‘feel good’ chemicals (including serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine) in our brains. Which brings me to my final example of behaviour that left something to be desired. I was on my way back on the tube from the other side of town where I had been looking after my 3-year-old grandson. I was tired and decided I would quite like to sit down as it is a long tube journey. It was rush hour and I squeezed onto the train and wormed my way through to the end seat above which it is clearly written: ‘This is a priority seat’. It was occupied by a man in his 20s, who looked extremely fit and well. Now he may have had hidden disabilities, but any good feeling I might have harboured for him quickly vanished. ‘Excuse me’, I said politely, ‘Could I possibly have that seat?’
‘No’, he replied without looking at me.