An unlikely bond
The nature of the bond between father and daughter is a strange and unpredictable thing. No matter what the obvious links are, sometimes they come from left field.
Let’s first deal with the obvious: both parents are sport fans, so you would have thought daughter would be a shoe-in at football matches. Sadly, no. Something to do, she claims, with having been put in a West Ham babygrow shortly after birth.
Then the theatre: more luck here. It took a random trip to the musical Chicago, aged eleven, to light a fire that once lit proved impossible to put out. Now she and dad compare lists of upcoming productions and plan future outings.
Yet who could have foreseen the latest bonding exercise? It stems from her addiction to reality TV (reality, really?). First, Made in Chelsea and TOWIE, moving on to Geordie Shore and 16 and Pregnant. But the one that has struck a chord with both of them, for whatever reason, is Big Rich Texas.
You couldn’t make it up…well, someone obviously did. It’s a reality show on ITVbe, focusing on a band of women with more money than sense, their relationships or lack of them, their plastic surgery (some of their boobs have individual walk-on parts, I kid you not), their offspring, their houses, their country club and their clashes.
I admit to watching (occasionally) but if around am usually sitting between husband and daughter with one eye on the screen and the other in a book. I am a fan of some soaps, but not this one, though maybe I protest too much. It features state-of-the-art kitchens that no one ever cooks in, a solitary and downtrodden husband, and a goddaughter who lives with her godmother and her godmother’s son, with whom she embarks on an affair.
“It’s silly, a spoof, no one’s idea of a real housewife, just a genre, something you can sit with her and giggle at,” says the old man. “I would never watch it on my own for enjoyment.” Funny, then, that it’s him who gets a bit antsy in the commercial breaks and asks her to fast forward (yes, we are working our way through entire series recorded on the black box).
Daughter just claims it’s a hoot, and so far from reality as to be addictive. She spent a year at uni in Texas, but is quick to point out that life on campus is a million miles from what we see in this series.
My personal favourites are a blonde (well, actually, they’re all blonde apart from two) called Bonnie Blossman and her daughter Whitney, plus daughter’s boyfriend Brandon, a tattoo artist aka Booger (?). Whitney, whose eyelashes should also have their own series, and Booger have since married and have a daughter called Rhythm but we’re way behind that series. Bonnie stands out from the crowd: she is currently an adjunct professor at The University of North Texas, teaching Biochemistry & Parasitology, the author of seven novels, and a businesswoman to boot.
There is a set formula to the programmes, which consist of bitching, business, fashion – of a sort, mother/daughter relationships, and the obligatory bust-up at a party, usually at the Country Club. They throw glasses at one another, but seem to have drunk the contents first, leaving only ice at the bottom. Maybe this is so that they can take their dresses back intact to the rental outfit they got them from.
So yes, father/daughter bonding extraordinaire. And if you fancy a bit of a laugh, try it sometime. The characters are interchangeable, and I have problems telling them apart, but it’s like watching creatures from another planet.
Daughter/mother bonding? Now that’s a different topic. Have tried getting her to the gym: not interested. London Fashion Show: a raving hit. And this time round we’ll have another Dame in tow. We’ll let you know how that pans out.