Incontinence Lads

Posted by Verity on November 11, 2024 in Blog, Dame designate, feminism, Living today, Rants, society, Wishes, Women's equality issues | 4 comments

The prime contender for Dame Designate of the Year must be Gisèle Pelicot – she of the charming husband who drugged her, raped her and invited dozens of perfect strangers to do likewise. Pelicot asked for a trial in open court, and for the videos of these assaults to be shown, sending a message to other women that ‘its not for us to have shame; it’s for them.’ A ‘Courage calls to courage everywhere’ moment if ever there was one.

It’s high time that not only the extremes of sexually predatory behaviour, but also non-criminal, but insidiously destructive, instances of ‘being unable to keep it in your pants’ attracted opprobrium – from men as well as women. Let us, and especially the perpetrators, recognise this for what it is: incontinence. No one wants to be thought ‘incontinent’, with its evocation of those too young, too old or too debilitated to have control of their bladders. For them, shame does not come into it: they simply don’t have the physiological wherewithal to exercise control.

But it’s a term whose negative associations should be weaponised against those who do have the means to control their impulses but choose not to.

This incontinence spans a wide range behaviour, starting with the incorrigible philanderer (and how forgiving a term is that?). How I have longed for the wronged wife of an MP or cabinet minister ‘standing by’ her errant husband for the obligatory TV interview to go completely off-script and declare: ‘Frankly, I think it’s pathetic the way these grown men are led around by their willies,’ to the consternation of all around her.

Berlusconi, Johnson, Clinton – I’m sure you’ll be able to think of your own examples – have all exhibited these traits. Why do we continue to entrust the good governance of nations to men who seem to have so little control over their own persons? What’s more, press coverage of their misdemeanours is often salacious rather than censorious. If rich and powerful men are seen getting away with this kind of thing, it becomes aspirational rather than shameful.

At the other end of the spectrum we have the dismal spectacle of serial rapists like David Carrick and Al Fayed. It is perhaps not surprising that police culture turned a blind eye to such practices in its midst, but what has been truly shocking is the allegation that female doctors may have colluded with Al Fayed in ‘vetting’ his victims for STDs.

But hey – if you’re an incontinence lad, how about making the most of it and monetising your vice while you’re at it? It’s worked for Andrew Tate and turned his toxic example into a lifestyle choice that many young men can only dream of.

It’s time for us – the media, society in general, and in particular other men – to reframe this behaviour. No more cads, bounders, rakes and rogues; no more ladies’ men and ‘bit of a lad’: these men are immature, sociopathic, and lacking in even the impulse control of the average three-year-old.