On the Subject of Sneezes
‘Speak roughly to your little boy/And beat him when he sneezes./He only does it to annoy/Because he knows it teases.’
I regret to say that Mr Verity has broadly the same attitude to my sneezing as the Duchess has towards the unfortunate piglet/baby in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, i.e., that I do it deliberately. Nothing could be further from the truth. I myself find it very annoying, as it’s probably interrupting my reading, preventing me from hearing the radio, or simply delaying the start of dinner.
Part of the problem is that I have established through long experience that the best way to avoid ‘fall out’ (to put it delicately) if you are a long way from a hanky of any sort is by opening your mouth and roaring – an effective and hygienic technique that Mr Verity refuses to acknowledge.
In this he could not be more different from Ray, protagonist of the US sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. In one memorable episode he gets stuck into his wife for her minimalist, one could almost say ‘mealy-nosed’, sneezing style. Is this just another example of how women can’t win?
Inevitably I turned to Wikipedia to see if I could back up some of my homegrown theories about sneezing with scientific evidence, and I was excited to find that my tendency to sneeze in bright sunlight is a rare autosomal dominant trait (I knew you’d be impressed) that affects only 18–35% of the population.
Even more thrilling is the discovery that I am prone to snatiation, an even rarer condition that entails sneezing after a big meal. And there was I thinking I was a rather average person, when in fact I am quite exceptional!
We are probably far less relaxed about sneezing than we were three years ago, knowing what we know now about how far droplets can spread. It’s not surprising that most cultures have a customary response to sneezing that reflects the possible risk to health it represents.
In Britain the association with the plague, and the prospect of the sneezer ‘falling down’ dead, as in ‘Ring’a’Ring’a’Roses’ can be seen in our habit of saying ‘Bless you’. Similar sentiments are expressed across Europe. During the Renaissance a belief emerged that one’s heart stopped during a sneeze, so the blessing was in effect a prayer that it would start again.
But loud or discreet, sneezes must not be suppressed: holding in a sneeze increases the air pressure in the lungs and airways by a factor of 24, placing undue stresses on them.
Finally, if we want any further proof that the Tory Government has succeeded in rolling back not just the state, but much of the progress we have made over the past two centuries, here’s a stanza from ‘January 1795’, a poem by actor, novelist, playwright and 18th century celeb Mary Robinson (1758–1800).
‘Pavement slipp’ry, people sneezing,/Lords in ermine, beggars freezing;/ Titled gluttons dainties carving,/Genius in a garret starving.’
Sound familiar?
Well this is fascinating. I didn’t know about sneezing after a heavy meal. When I was a commuter, at the station each morning I would emerge from the shade under the bridge into bright sunshine and sneeze several times. One day, another commuter said, ‘You do that every morning, don’t you! Did you know it’s called “photic sneezing”?’
I rarely do one sneeze — I seem to get into a feedback loop, where the sneeze irritates my nose, making me sneeze again.
Yes, that’s the trouble- the sneezes rarely come singly. My husband often says, ‘Why don’t you just blow your nose’, but it’s clear that has nothing to do with it!
I was interested to find that others suffer with this condition but I’m in Mr Verity’s camp here. My spouse has this affliction and we have never worked out why. The theory was that sneezing prevents indigestion. This is not true in my husband’s case .
Your article has given us food for thought. Thanks!
Merry Christmas and good wishes for 2023 to all the dames. Your articles are witty, informative and totally relevant. Keep them coming!
Perhaps you and Mr Verity need a support group for the spouses of annoying sneezers! Many thanks for all you comments throughout the year – it means we know we are not crying in the wilderness! Have a lovely Christmas and New Year